GOOD FATHERING

Growing children is like growing young plants.  Every word the father says to his children is an opportunity to frame and shape their world.

The way sons and daughters raise their own family is a real test of how well their parents have trained them and instilled into their hearts the basic principles for living.

Dr. John Kern, a renowned psychiatrist gave the following elements he has seen work and have personally used successfully.

1. Be open communicators.  Talk about anything, at any time to your children.  Continually communicate.  As parents, we have to deliberately train and equip our children with the tools to express their emotions.  If I’m concerned about something they have done, I don’t just tell them it is wrong.  I sit them down and say something like:  “Son, I am feeling a little upset about something you said/did and I need to talk about it.”  I have done this since my son began talking, even before he could understand.  Now years later, if he is upset, he says, “Dad, I need to talk to you about something that is upsetting me.”  Give your child his tools before he needs them so he can draw on them in times of need.

2. Communicate clearly and specifically about sex.  Make sex a God-given gift which is normal.  It’s clean, powerful and is for marriage.  We talk to our children about money.  We talk to them about building their careers.  We talk to them about caring for their home.  We need to talk to them about their sexuality.  It’s going to hit them one day and they need to be able to talk openly with us.  Once again, give them the tools to cope before they need them.

 

All children – boys and girls – need to be prepared for this challenge.  It’s important that Dad is always on approachable (and proactive) sources of good, clean wisdom on the subject of sex.  It is not your wife’s job to have “the talk”.  Both your daughter and son need a balanced, wholesome male perspective as well.

3. Have an affectionate and affirming relationship.  The most crucial thing you can do is to speak words of affirmation and affection into your children’s life from the time of their conception.  Don’t allow them to be negative, even though that’s the way we all naturally tend to be.  If your child speaks negatively about themselves, correct them lovingly and firmly.  Don’t let it pass. The girl who’s allowed to say she looks ugly will grow up believing it.

What causes children to act and think that way?  They’re simply repeating the kind of worldview they receive from other people.  Watch your words.  Instead, affirm and compliment your daughter’s appearance.

4. Be a good role model.  Where there’s no model, there’s a vacuum, and it will be filled.  The most powerful influences children will ever have are their parents.  Please, don’t choose to abrogate your responsibility by transferring it to the school, church, or other people.  It’s not their responsibility, it’s yours.

5. Stay tuned into their world.  Always be aware of what your children are feeding themselves – their music, their friends, their movies or videos, their life.  Go to the movies with them.   Watch the pictures on video.  Listen to their music – stop, listen, and read the lyrics.  If your son or daughter is depressed, it may be because they’re listening to songs with suicidal lyrics.  Find out what they’re plugging into their ego.  What they may be watching ranges from hard-sell advertisements to programs full of sexual and violent behaviors.  How many hours per week of wholesome, loving parental influence do they get to balance out the others?  It’s your responsibility to set limits and be consistent about them.

 

6. Pray for your children and yourself.  It’s vital that dads take spiritual responsibility by praying for their kids, their marriage, and their life.  One thing I’m constantly surprised by is the myth that women are more spiritual than men.  The Bible is predominantly about the spiritual journeys of men as they battle to establish the Kingdom of God and redeem their families.  Christ is Prophet, Priest, and King to the Church.  A father is the same thing to his family.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

 

 

Sunday Mass Schedule Effective March 2011

6:30am - Filipino
8:00am - English
9:30am - English
11:00am - English

12:15n.n - English

3:30pm - Filipino
5:00pm - English
6:30pm - English
8:00pm - English

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