World War

I made an experiment. It is embarrassing just how some of my thoughts come about but I needed to find out. Has “IT” just become a habit?

Has the Holy Hour been just a schedule just as the Sunday’s Eucharist been just an obligation? I am still thinking about skipping the first of October’s. Anyway it is ‘just’ Taize Prayer as announced. What boredom is in there where songs sang were mere repetitions of words. Had a pendant or necklace be in front of me, I could have easily fallen to the spell and be hypnotized by an unknown spirit.

I seek forgiveness about my thoughts but I wanted to find out why is the church not full. Why is it that the youth ministry leads the Taize Prayer but only those who sing or read are present? Where is the bulk of the flock? I needed to enter a different mindset and find the answer.

With the different ‘results’ and ‘accomplishments’ that the ‘busy’ can ‘accomplish’ given a ‘Thursday’ night, what else can the Church do to invite His people?

I didn’t miss the first holy hour of October as planned but then my mind is off somewhere else. I was torn about the things that I should be doing and red flag overwhelms my being while the song being sang is like a clock that beats ‘tic, toc, tic, toc.’ The Lord is losing me and the world has taken over my soul.

As I hear today’s Gospel reading, I thought about something, is the sole leper-cured person be commended about going back to Jesus after realizing he is healed? Must he not communicate with the nine and see if they were also cured? Would it be possible that his immediate recognition of his being clean is ahead of nine? Being so, instead of following an initial order to go to the priest, he went back to Jesus and thank him first. Why didn’t he invite the nine?

I think I am one of the nine lepers. I am slow about so many things. I don’t easily recognize the grace that abounds before me. I tend to question a lot as if I needed reason to propel or grow my faith. There is a constant inquiry in me like I needed to find out why is there air in an open space.

I must admit – I have accomplished so much and done so much in the past two weeks but I was exhausted like the world has consumed me. I had headache for a whole week and its culmination set just few hours ago just when I am thinking about missing today’s mass. Then I remember Fr. Allan’s homily last Friday evening. He mentioned something about an old evil that has to be replaced by something good. It was a beautiful Gospel reading and I think the unclean spirit noticed and found rest in me the past days. I was too bad and I have greatly sinned. It is probably why I had this strange feeling when I enter SAAP. I felt someone is fighting to win me back. It was an empty joy to count accomplishments that only fills the mind. In fact, what I got were but a cross outs of matters done, tick marks for those undone and boo boos for those that cannot be accomplished. Life makes little sense setting on the sideway the very reason of my existence. I cannot always figure out the answer to my questions as much as I want to seek the truth in a maze of lies and pretenses of the world. I want to admonish the first leper for not inviting me to be with Jesus at the same time as he or she had with Him; but then I thank him or her for allowing me to have my own discovery of that ‘road to Emmaus.’ I am going back to the Father… Or have I been walking with the Father? I am just blind…

Too much of sight-seeing at other wonders, we must look at Jesus’ invitation. The church is not full because most are busy accomplishing and winning the world. A fellow leper cannot say to the other he has leprosy too. A ‘clean’ person perhaps can tell the other he is ‘clean’ but wouldn’t. People or institution may build the bridge but it takes a heart to jump from one’s mountain and walk barefoot with Him.

Everyone is to have that very special and personal encounter with the Lord. The edifice need not be filled but --- you, us, we, be filled by Him --- that there would be no word that we could utter--- but mere tears that has cleanse our eyes, our soul, our being…

If you see a tiny flower that has fallen on the road, would you pick it up and let your nose marvel at its sweet fragrance? Did you ever notice the heart-shaped leaves of the sturdy trees along N. Garcia Street on your way to St. Andrew the Apostle Parish? The Lord greets us in different ways. How do we use our eyes? How do we live our lives?

We must be careful as we may become experiments and we might fall like rodents trapped in our own boredom and calendar of activities.

Open our eyes and make us clean, Lord…


Sunday Mass Schedule Effective March 2011

6:30am - Filipino
8:00am - English
9:30am - English
11:00am - English

12:15n.n - English

3:30pm - Filipino
5:00pm - English
6:30pm - English
8:00pm - English

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